OK folks, having been inactive as list cyberpimp for some time now, I have decided that the real money lies in being a manipulative Svengali and creating a chart-topping sensation.

Hence, I am currently organising auditions for my soon-to-be globe conquering sensations, the Bitch Girls!!

(We are currently market-testing whether the name "The BitchGrrrrlz" will offer us a better demographic reach. We will keep all applicants advised, although either way we do not require accuracy in spelling from the Bitch Girl candidates themselves.)

The positions within the Bitch Girls have not been finalised, but some of those we are hoping to fill include the following:
 *Queen Bitch -- (Pwincess Bitches may consider applying for this one, even though I didn't rate a New Year's Honours List mention.)
*Silly Bitch
*Psycho Bitch
*Jealous Bitch
*Nasty Bitch
*Ugly Bitch -- (Unavailable: I have this position earmarked for my wife, although we may consider another position titled Fucking Ugly Bitch, if you want it that badly.)
*Horny Bitch -- (You know who you are: you have to apply along with everyone else. The casting couch is right over there.)
(As for Textured Fabric Bitch????? I think not. But I could be persuaded of the merits of having a Designer Bitch. Or a Supermodel Bitch.)

Songs for the debut album "Bitchworld" are currently being written, including the surefire smash hits:
"Bitch Slap Your Man"
"Life's a Bitch and So Am I"
"Mmmmm-Bitch"
"(Nitro) Glycerine"
"Bitch Up Your Life"
"Hyper-Bitch Ballad"
There will be more.

The Bitch Girls' catch-cry "Bitch Power" is being printed on bumper stickers and badges as we speak. Stock answers to interview questions will be prepared for all applicants to memorise (for example, questions on politics will be met with the response: "Pauline H: What a BITCH!!", regardless of the country in which the interview takes place.)

(When confronted by a tricky question, do NOT say "Please explain". Just look at each other and loudly proclaim "Bitch Power!" and give each other lots of high-fives. Do that often enough and the tricky questions will stop.)

Sponsorship deals with cosmetics manufacturers, bubble gum companies, condom makers and other business interests are being finalised. A particularly exciting prospect is the Bitch Girl Tamagotchi, which spits absolute fucking chips if ignored for too long.

So, if you think that YOU, or someone you know, has the makings of a world-class chart-topping Bitch, apply here! (At least one of you should have a background in nude modelling, or some other aspect of the sex industry. Enclose details on your CV.)